A screen time challenge for parents. Spoiler: this will improve your family life!

One important life skill is being able to stop and assess a current situation and then come up with ways to make modifications for improvement. We need to be honest, reflect upon what is not ideal, then switch in a better way of doing things. We build a sense of pride in our abilities every time we make little wins in the areas we work to modify. Our kids are also eager to build their resiliency through learning these life skills, and a perfect way to help them is to model our process of working to make a change. 

Your challenge is to apply this process to modifying how you use your tech devices. Show your kids that you are willing and able to make choices and changes to how you use your technology. By modelling proactive behaviour, which in time will turn into a healthy habit, your children will learn a valuable lesson about intentions and how we make changes. Our children want to learn and grow into better people. Our guidance is more powerful when they see us making the effort to change.

Here we go…

Think of something related to your devices, that either distracts from the work you need to do or displaces things you wish you did more. 

Pick a specific situation or behaviour that you know you could change, to make one aspect of your daily life better. We will start with something small and achievable, so we have a better chance of success. Write it down and post it somewhere you will see it every day. Some examples are below:

• After checking my email, my goal is to turn off the Wifi on my computer for 1 hour each weekday morning, so I can get my writing done and not get tempted to check my email.
• I am going to try to resist checking my phone when we are setting up for dinner and at the table, so I get to talk with my family in a more connected way.
• My goal is to take a full weekend off of screens one weekend this month and see how I feel afterward.
• I plan to no longer have my phone in my room at night, just like I have decided I don’t want my teens to have theirs.
• I plan to delete my favourite app off my phone because I check it too often. I want to see if I can keep it off permanently and only look it up on my computer.
• For seven days, I will not check my phone right away in the morning because when I do, I get sucked into it, and instead, I will do 5 minutes of back stretches because once I start the day like that, I noted my back felt better all day. 
• For the next ten days when I walk to my car, I will NOT look down at my phone while I am walking because I realise that Autumn is here and I want to soak up all its beautiful colours instead. 
• For three Wednesday nights, I am no longer going to watch my Netflix show because …  and instead …
• I will take the Facebook and/or Instagram app off my phone for one week and only check my feeds when I am in front of my computer because I notice I get sort of irritated at myself for walking and phone checking. 
• I will leave my phone at home for one outing with the family next weekend because I find that even when I am not checking my phone, I feel it pulling at me, and instead, I don’t want to get that feeling. 

Stay with this intention for as long as possible. It might not be easy to stick with and it is likely that you will have failures. That is normal and ok. Be honest with yourself about how this process of change is going for you.

The next, valuable thing to do is to talk about this with your kids. Show them you are trying to make a difference in your life, that it isn’t easy, but you are keeping on trying. Tell them about the failures you had and what you did to keep trying to achieve your intention. Here are some ways you can start the conversation with your children:

• How do I model screen time? What messages do my actions with my devices signal to you?
• Is there anything around my screen time habits that you think I should consider changing?
• Have you noticed that I am trying to change one of my screen time habits?
• What advice can you give me to help me try to do this? 
• Could you ask me in three days how I am doing with my goal?

Good luck! Know that you and your family will be better off from this simple experiment.

Tim Battersby - School Counsellor