With many people coming forward in the media to share their lived experience, schools across Australia are focusing on educating their students about consent.

We are hearing the word ‘consent’ more and more. Consent means giving someone a choice and respecting their answer. With children, we often use the phrase ‘asking for permission’.

From a young age, it is important to lay the foundation for children to feel comfortable to set boundaries and make decisions about their bodies; to know to ask for permission and respond appropriately when someone says ‘no’ to them. Consent can be part of the conversation at any age; asking for permission is a normal part of everyday life. Conversations about consent can be related to sharing toys and games and understanding and respecting the personal space of others. However, this should not be a one-time conversation. Children are receiving messages from all sorts of places and, as a trusted adult, parents can help them make sense of these messages.

When parents are open to and initiate conversations about consent, it empowers children and young people to confidently make decisions about their bodies, to feel comfortable talking to their parents about these topics, and ultimately make it less likely that they will become victimised. There are many types of scenarios and interactions that are already occurring in a child’s life when it comes to the topic of consent. The following examples are just a few different opportunities that parents could use to begin – or continue – talking to their children about consent.

You may ask for consent in everyday interactions with your child, such as:

• Do you want a hug goodbye today? We could also wave or high five.
• Can I sit beside you while we read this book?
• Can I tell your teacher that your grandmother is unwell?
• It is okay if you do not want a goodnight hug.

Asking for consent is an ongoing process and when parents model that to their children, the child learns good practices that they will then take with them into adulthood.

It is equally as important to teach children to ask for consent when playing or interacting with other children, such as:

• Do you want to play with the red or the blue car?
• Do you want to hold hands when we walk to lunch?

Through daily interactions about and modelling of consensual actions, children should also learn that they can set boundaries and limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom.

Teach your child:

• Your body belongs to you.
• You get to decide about your own body.
• No one should touch you without permission.
• Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries.

Family, friends, neighbours and other community contacts must also be educated about our expectations around boundaries and consent. Explain to family members that you want to teach your child about body autonomy; so if a child does not want to sit on their relative’s lap or give a hug or kiss, then it is up to the relative to respect these boundaries and they can offer an alternative, like a high five.

We want to encourage children to accept a ‘no’ answer, but we can also understand the sad or upset feelings that might come along with hearing ‘no’ and help them to deal with those hard feelings in a positive way. One approach is to affirm the child, for example:

• I am proud of you for respecting your friend’s answer and choosing another seat. That shows that you care about your friend.
• It seems like you are sad, and I can understand that. It can be hard to hear a friend or someone we love to tell us ‘no’.
• What do you think you could do with your sad feelings? What would make you feel better?

Sometimes, as parents, we are uncomfortable about how to initiate conversations. However, there are a number of resources available to you. Please see the below:

Teeny Tiny Stevies: Boss of My Own Body (song on YouTube)

https://healthyrelationshipsinitiative.org/teaching-young-children-about-consent/

https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents

https://www.headtohealth.gov.au/

Carly Dober - School Psychologist